A Girl Just Wants Shoes........

I'm on the hunt for a cheap pair of black dress shoes. I've been wearing my favorite ones for months. Needless to say, I think they started to smell. The Tiger says I am nuts and just looking for a reason to buy a new pair of shoes. I think he's crazy. I threw the stinky shoes away.

I had a 20% off coupon for Payless..........and it expired today. I usually have decent luck when I go to Payless, but I admit it's been awhile since we've been there. I didn't find a darn thing! Really, is the only heels that people wear those little stick heels??? I'm sorry, but I am not talented enough for a heel like that. I need something a little thicker.

So, of course Missy found a pair of shoes she liked.....and I have a hard time passing up coupons that are about to expire. Missy got shoes, I have none.

We then went to Meijer. I found a cute pair of black heels, but they were $39.99! Yeah, I am cheap and would never pay $40 for a pair of shoes........at Meijer. Who do they think they are? DSW? I think not!

Have you seen any cute shoes sales going on anywhere? I'm dying for new black heels......

A Chance To Blog

I have to make some major updates. Lordy lordy, I've been slacking.

Ok, well after days and nights of thoughts, tears, packing, and much more I ended up deciding I could no longer run away from my problems (at the request of my parents). They sat me down one night and explained to me that they have no problems helping me get back on my feet, but that I am almost 30 and I cannot continue to run everytime things go wrong. What did they call it? "Lack of folowing through." Hmpf, of course I was mad. I don't do that.........or do I? Ok, maybe I do. So, I decided to go ahead and give the Tiger another shot at our relationship. I truly love him with all my heart, but can we get past our problems? Not so sure. But, he's damn lucky he's getting that second shot and so far he's been doing ok. He's helping me vaccuum, doing his own laundry, and we are back to sleeping in the same room. We'll see how it goes. Missy is so happy about it. But, I still HATE my school system. No offense to anyone, but it's too ghetto for my taste. Not in the greatest of neighborhoods. So I am looking into trying to qualify for special funding to help send her to a private school next year. Any help on how to do that if any of you have experience, let a sista know!

Work and school? Well, I am officially out of school until January. I need to really pull myself together before I go back. It made me miserable, tore my family apart, and made my daughter defy me in ways I never thought possible. So, full time nursing program is NOT the way to go. I am much happier without it. I know I have too many credits to lose, and I WILL be back in January........just undecided as to what to do. I got a temp to perm job at a steel mill in Hammond doing payroll. I know Payroll and Human Resources best, so I went back to "comfortable." It's a step down from what I was doing in Chicago, but you know what? Let someone else have the responsibility for now. Right now, I just want to be a worker bee and get paid. Just pray they hire me on permanently, cuz I need a full time job.

And in the middle of my hell, who calls? Missy's father. Haven't heard from him since.....well I couldn't tell you the last time we talked. He says, "Hey Jenni, it's Billy" like we are friends or something. I say, "yeah what's up?" He says, "How's my daughter?" I said, "She's fine. She's 7. Where you been? He hasn't seen her since she was 4. Guess he's living in California right now. Good, nice and far away where I'd like him to stay. So yeah, I let him talk to her. She tells him she needs clothes (she doesn't need clothes, but she's slick like mama). So he agrees to send her a box of stuff. He sent it. Of course I received no receipts to return anything. Most of it either doesn't fit her or she doesn't like it. Thanks Billy, next time just send me the 5 years of child support you owe me. OH and he has the nerve to ask me what we can do about child visitation. Um, you're in Cali and I am in Indiana. We do nothing about it. It'll be a cold day in you know where before I put my baby on a plane to you. End of story.

I've got some new bloggers that I need to check out and I've got all my old bloggers to catch up with. I've missed you all. Stayed tuned. The rollercoaster of my life is just starting I am sure.

Some Days Are Good. Some Days Are Bad.

Life is still a constant roller coaster here. Some days I am ok with everything going on. Other days I feel so lonely and wonder if I am making the biggest mistake of my life. I love the Tiger. I really love him. I look at him everyday and wonder what went wrong. Why can't it be different? All along I thought it was him. We were breaking up because of him. As the days go on, I am beginning to think it's me. Maybe it's really not, maybe it's the guilt of looking at my life being packed up in boxes once again. Either way, the decision has been made and it's not something that can be changed now. It is what it is. But, sometimes I still feel so sad. As if now I am going to be alone forever. 30 is coming up next year. I always thought I'd be married long before 30. Looks like I'll be single.

House hunt is interesting. I enjoy seeing how others live and what they describe as a "spacious 2 bedroom with a beautiful view." I think I finally found the perfect place for me and Missy last night. I am waiting on my application to be mailed to me.

Job hunting is slow. I have an interview today for a temp to perm job at a steel company. If I could get it, that would mean some nice benefits. But, let's not try and get our hopes up here. I am rusty in all of this stuff.

Please Turn The Lights On

It's dark in here. Someone turn the lights on. Please pray for me. This should be, by far, the saddest blog I hope to ever write. Life can't get any worse right now.

Last December, right before Christmas, I wrote a sad poem. I can't find it right now, because it was before I labeled all my posts. And I just don't have the energy to search for it right now. But, it was a poem about something that broke my heart.

9 months later and I am still not over that night. I don't think I ever will be. Tonight, my life took a turn I never thought it would go.

The Tiger and I broke up. Shocking, I know. I keep thinking over and over in my head. Is this real? How does a love you thought would never end all of a sudden just end? We haven't gotten along in a really long time. I've just been fighting the inevitable. But, it finally came out in the open. It is what it is.

So, now the questions play into my head...........how do I say good bye to 2 and 1/2 years? Where will I live? How will I finish school without his help? And what will I tell Missy? I have no idea how to tell her. How can I tell her that I managed to fail at giving her the only chance of a dad she ever had? I am not perfect. I really didn't fail. It just wasn't meant to be. I am not really to blame for this. Or am I? It still hurts so bad. I have a final on Monday. I don't have time for this. But, I must face it.

Please let me be strong and make it through this. It's late. I have no one to call. So I poured my heart out in my blog. Sorry if I've upset anyone.

Wanna See Something Gross?

Disclaimer: A follow up in my last blog. A wonderful girl that I've been friends with for years has volunteered to join the "Missy Goes To Church" team after reading my blog. I won't reveal her just yet, she knows who she is. She is a wonderful person and one of my dearest of friends. She reminds me of Mary Poppins. So poised, good natured, pretty, but she dresses better! This weekend will be their first outing and Missy is SO excited. More about that next week.

Now on to todays' blog. So I've mentioned before I was in this wedding. The dress is called "Pool". And my big butt didn't fit in the dress. I got tired of people telling me I was over reacting. "It'll be fine. Don't worry" or "Please. You look little" was all I heard when I tried to talk about it a couple of months ago. Guess what? I took proof there WAS something to worry about. So approaching my challenge, I took pictures. And no one has ever seen them........before now. So go ahead and look. They are a little blurry. It's hard to stand in a 12 inch bathroom, in a dress that is too small, try and take pictures, and pray no one in the house found you doing it.

It sorta fit from the front........

Wow, didn't know I was the pregnant bridesmaid.......

This is really how far it zips up.......

So, the question is........does the dress fit? Well, after shedding 12 pounds, I am proud to say it does. I don't look great in it, but that sucker zips up. I probably won't blog again before the weekend, so you'll just have to sit in suspense until my next post when I put the wedding pictures up to see the finished product. Tomorrow I go for the nail/toe thing (with Missy of course). After that, I will be moving on to turn my one eyebrow into two again. I love when I get to pay lots of money to be all princess-like for a weekend.

A Random Night Of Thoughts

Ok, this blog was inspired by an earlier post. Look 3 posts down......when I was tagged. Remember my hummingbird? Well, I was sitting at a friend's house tonight ....... and guess what? She has a hummingbird too! So I said it out loud. I said, "I wonder if you can make a hummingbird your pet." She responded and I kid you not.......we had a 15 min. conversation on capturing hummingbirds.

School is right around the corner! Missy lost her 2nd tooth. She's getting so big. Yesterday, she left the nest for the first time. Tiger stood outside while she rode her bike around the corner to the park and back. I got choked up. It's the first time I wasn't there to watch out for cars and gravel and loose dogs....... what a moment.

Time to Breathe

Ahhhhh, things are starting to slow down......finally. End of the semester is almost here. Just one more week. How is that going, you ask? Well, I'll probably be repeating most of this semester over in the fall. It's ok. No pity. I've come to grips with it all. Nursing school is by far the hardest thing I've ever accomplished. It might take me longer to get the degree now, but no worries.......it'll be mine eventually.

My job. Well, I've been there almost 4 and 1/2 months. So far, I've remembered to remove all the staples. I'm a natural. Enough said.

The house guests are all gone. The Raging Hormone (a.k.a. my little brother) had a blast this time around. The Tiger took him to a gun show and shooting. Plus, mom let him bring the Playstation 3. So, he was happy. Oh, he taught me something new. Did you know that only female mosquitoes suck blood? There must be A LOT of female mosquitoes out there. Hmmmm, this I never knew.

I'm going to Colorado. Yep, that's right. My best friend Jaime had a baby (little girl Jacy) and I get to go and visit them! The Tiger bought tickets for me and Missy to go for my birthday. He said I needed a break after the semester was over and he knew I'd love to go see the baby and that I'd probably never spend the money on myself to take a trip (he's right). I am sooooooooo excited. Jaime and I have been best friends since we were 6. This is her first baby. So, you can imagine what it's going to be like. And it's hard now that she lives across the country these days. I'll be crying all week. When I had Missy, we were too young to get all emotional and stuff. You learn to appreciate different things as you get older. Where was I? Oh yeah. So, in 11 days I leave for VACATION!

Oh, and I need to CONGRATULATE Sheryl....she just had her first baby girl and she is GORGEOUS. I love her name. Just love it.

Other than that, I just truly miss blogging with everyone. It's so hard to find the time. I am hoping things will get a little caught up on my 3 week break from school. 3 WHOLE weeks. How awesome is that???

A pic of Missy, because it's been awhile. Here she is winning 1st place with her cheerleading team. She also took 1st place in the individual jump off.

Eyebrows? Who Woulda Thought.........

As I am going over my list of crap to do over and over again in my head.........it never dawned on me.........until now. I get my eyebrows done in Chicago. I am spoiled. The woman works in my building downtown and has been 4 floors below me for YEARS. Ever since I figured out how to be a woman and that having ONE eyebrow wasn't "cool."

So now I look to y'all for some help! My lady will do my eyebrows next Tuesday on my last day. But, after that I am on my own.

Talk it out. Battle it out. Yell at each other. Whatever you do. Come up with a place amongst y'all for me to get my eyebrows done locally in Indiana! And that's Northwest Indiana. No names of places in Indianapolis please! hahahaha