YAY! Changes......

Just keepin on truckin over here! The holidays are beginning and I just love this time of year. I cannot stand the cold, but I do love the decorating and the cooking and the shopping and the hustle and bustle. Lots happening around here.........

I found a school! More Than A Single Mom will be heading to Devry........online that is. I found a credited school that will transfer my credits (not sure which ones yet), allow me to work, and still go to school without having to find a sitter or spend more time away from Missy. My new major you ask? Weeeeellllll............how's a bachleor in Business Administration with a Concentration on Human Resources Management sound? Say that 10 times fast.

And I'm on the hunt for a new car. My beloved 1997 Grand Am has finally said it's last prayers I do believe. I'll know more soon........

Tonight I am bound and determine to catch up with y'all! You'll see.......

A Random Night Of Thoughts

Ok, this blog was inspired by an earlier post. Look 3 posts down......when I was tagged. Remember my hummingbird? Well, I was sitting at a friend's house tonight ....... and guess what? She has a hummingbird too! So I said it out loud. I said, "I wonder if you can make a hummingbird your pet." She responded and I kid you not.......we had a 15 min. conversation on capturing hummingbirds.

School is right around the corner! Missy lost her 2nd tooth. She's getting so big. Yesterday, she left the nest for the first time. Tiger stood outside while she rode her bike around the corner to the park and back. I got choked up. It's the first time I wasn't there to watch out for cars and gravel and loose dogs....... what a moment.

Spring, Where Are You?

I am so fed up with the indoors. I am ready to be out and about. To go camping. To BBQ instead of baking or pan frying. To lay out and catch skin cancer because I think fat looks better tan. To study.....by a pool, not on the couch. Get my drift? I am so over being cold! Yeah, we've had a few good days where we thought spring was coming.........but come on! Sunshine, Sunshine Come Out Where Ever You Are!


Here is a picture of a day when we thought a bit of spring was going to come out and play with us. She dressed herself that day (hard to tell, but she is in all camouflage and cowboy boots.) And yes, the throat is healing up nicely. She's back to her normal little self.

Rain Drops On Monday

It's been awhile. So much has happened. Where do I begin?

So this school thing. Wow, oh-so-hard. I wish I did this when I was 18-ish. It's been a rocky trip so far. My hellish 5 week class that began my nursing school career didn't go so well. I needed a 75% to pass the class. I got a 74%. You know what that means? It means I didn't pass! Duh. So I have to re-take the class in August. Just wonderful. I cried for days. I yelled. I spit. I punched the air. And now I think the temper tantrum is over. I must pick up and move on. So, for now I am just trying to conquer the world of Pharmacology. BUT, I got a tutor! My new Pharm tutor in case things go tough..........well, she's none other than the wonderful expert blogger......the one, the only......Crooked Eyebrow.

Have I mentioned the part yet about me gaining 16 pounds since Thanksgiving? Wow, all the holidays and more all rolled up into my belly! Between the holidays and staying up late at night studying with a fistful of cheetos and pepsi, I managed to outgrow just about everything I own. At first, I thought out dryer broke and it shrunk all my clothes. But, the scale told a whole different story. So, where did More Than A Single Mom go today? To the GYM! All by myself. No one even dragged me there. I decided on not buying a new wardrobe. Instead, I am trying to introduce myself to a healthier lifestyle. And this new lifestyle does not include eating a package of powdered sugar donuts at midnight to give a little boost for studying.

It Just Doesn't Seem To End

I owe y'all an explanation huh? The blogger neglect, the sad poem from my aching heart, all of it from deep within.

I've got issues. No really, I do. Turns out More Than A Single Mom isn't perfect. Ha ha. Just had to throw that in there.

It all started with a big fight with the Tiger (hence the poem). A really nasty, apologies can't take back what I said earlier fight. A fight like no other. A fight about Missy on top of it all. He broke my heart just days before Xmas and I didn't really think I would bounce back from this one. But, I did. I always do right? But, hmmmmmmm those words are still in the back of my head. I just can't seem to let shit go some days. I love the Tiger with all my heart. But, I won't lie. I love my daughter more. Is that bad? Her and I have a bond that will never change. I am protective of her. She's my baby. And we've been through hell and back before the Tiger came along......that he will never ever understand. Yes, we're still together. But, I feel different about it all. I can't help it. I just do.

My heart aches for my family. It's the season to be happy right? My aunt was hospitalized on Sunday, fighting for her life. She's still there. My mom and I went up there on Christmas Day. There's something ironic about that. Me and my mom, together, on Christmas Day......hanging out? Twas strange. Back to the story. I won't say much about my Aunt without Teaching Kindergarten's permission. It's her mama and her story to share. But, please bloggers, pray like you have NEVER PRAYED BEFORE. If anything happens to my aunt (who is secretly one of my favorite aunts) then I honestly don't know how I'll cope. She is one of the most wonderful people I have ever had the chance of knowing...........and she's supposed to live forever.

Yesterday I got to go to the movies with some very dear friends of mine and our kids. How is it that between the three of us, we managed to produce the most perfect, beautiful 5 1/2 children?? Seriously, our kids were so good in that theatre you would've thought we gave them tranquilizers. I was so very impressed since they all ranged from 4 to 7.......or is Luke still 3? Hmmm, I think he's 4. I love you both and I am soooooooo happy you guys agreed to take the kiddies out with me.

After the movies, things went back to normal. I got a frightful call from my mom that my stepdad had been in a car accident. Someone was trying to beat a car coming while trying to pull out of a gas station and in turn, rammed through the back of my stepdad's van. Thankfully, he is ok. Vans can be replaced. He could not. So, in that small silver lining, I am just happy because he was hit pretty hard and it could've been a lot worse.

I love you all. That's my story. December sucked ass for me. I just want the New Year to be here so I can stop wallowing in all this funk and move on.

P.S. My daughter can't stand me right now because I am gone 7 days a week working 2 jobs. Talk about a mouth on a cute kid. Anyone like to have her until Christmas Break is over???? She knows how to empty garbage and pick up toys and make up songs in the shower -- daily.

Numb

Words can't express what I feel today.

How can a person you love hurt you so much?

I thought love was unconditional.

It is not.

To say the things you said and then expect me to smile?

There is no smile on my face.

I am only human.

And I am hurt.

I don't need anyone.

I don't need you.

I am alone in this world.

Seems I always have been.

Today is a bad day.

A Blogger's Disappearance

Well the Bad Dentist came back and put this blogger under the weather for the last few days. Good news is 3 of my teeth have been fixed. Better news is that I couldn't eat for a couple of days and my jeans are fitting good today! Bad news is that I have to go back and see the mean man at the end of this month for more work.

I got the job at the hospital! I start training next week ----- on my day off my from my Chicago job. Basically, starting on Monday, I will be working 7 days straight until my final day in Chicago (January 8th). It's going to be so exhausting, but the money will be good to throw into savings.

Wednesday, while I was screaming in pain from the dentist, I went and had my drug test done as well as my first hepatitis shot series, and my Rubella shot, and I have no idea what else I was shot up for. All I remember is they took blood - lots of blood.

As I left, I took a moment to look around at my surroundings. I've passed St. Anthony 1,000 or more times since I've lived in NW Indiana. Never in my life would I think I was going to be an employee there - ever. But, as I clutched my new employee parking pass, I trudged through the snow to my car. My last visit in the visitor section. It was surreal. A new beginning is upon me.

I'm getting scared. I am calm about school. I really am. I'm on the Dean's list so I am guessing I should be able to handle the classes fine. Financially, I am stressing to no end. Tiger and I are very used to my income downtown. As I cried the other day thinking, "How will I pay for groceries?" He keeps telling me that we'll be fine. The mother, the stresser, the pessimest in me just isn't so sure. Have I made the right decision? Isn't the point of getting an education supposed to be fruitful in the end and someday my worries will subside? Ugh. I just wish I could shake the helpless and unsure feeling.

Oh Monday! Go Away!

Well, so far today I've managed to forget my cell phone at home. This is usually attached at my hip. I feel as if I am not wearing a bra. Ha! And if that isn't bad enough, I have managed to lose my key card which has my office key on it. So, I had to stand outside my office pretending to not look stupid for over 20 minutes waiting for someone to come and unlock my door. Go away Monday.

On a plus side, I found out from all my "reference people" that the hospital called Thursday and Friday to check my references. That's a GOOD sign. Now, if they would only call me and give me the job. Oh wait, they could be calling my cell phone right now that is laying on my bed at home.

All my Christmas decorations are up.......now it's time to wrap presents. Let Christmas be upon us. I am ready!