Something Too Pretty Not To Share

I am constantly motivated and mesmerized by writings. When I was a child, I longed to be a writer when I grew up. I read every single book I could possibly read and I lived through my books. I would day dream up my own stories. That dream faded like most other dreams as you age. I still write sometimes. But, mostly just scribbled thoughts at the end of the grocery list or on an envelope of a bill. Nothing concrete anymore. I hope to get back to all of that in my new life.

So I came across this today. Written by a friend who is a new mother. One of the most beautiful things I've seen in awhile. All of you new mothers can appreciate this. Heck, even if your baby is 30 years old you can close your eyes and picture your daughter as an infant........you can relate too.

Have you ever seen an angel sleep? Those cherub little cheeks and that picture of a halo that floats so serene above her precious head. The beautiful white flowing dress. She's as pure as the first snow fall. This angel I see was a gift to me.

Have you ever heard an angel laugh? That little giggle that echoes in your ears but most of all your heart. The bluest of eyes beaming with joy as she melts you from the inside out. An angel with a laugh that I will hear forever!

Have you ever been touched by an angel? With skin so fair and soft that it feels like feathers? The grasp of her hand as if it speaks directly to your heart, telling you stories that only a mother can understand.

Have you ever smelled an angel? A mix of soap and cotton candy and this morning's bubble bath. A sweet smell that leaves you wanting more. A smell that will take you where the rest of the world can't. It's as if you can fly with her.

This angel, you see, is one given to me. The most precious gift in the world. A daughter. My daughter.

Please Turn The Lights On

It's dark in here. Someone turn the lights on. Please pray for me. This should be, by far, the saddest blog I hope to ever write. Life can't get any worse right now.

Last December, right before Christmas, I wrote a sad poem. I can't find it right now, because it was before I labeled all my posts. And I just don't have the energy to search for it right now. But, it was a poem about something that broke my heart.

9 months later and I am still not over that night. I don't think I ever will be. Tonight, my life took a turn I never thought it would go.

The Tiger and I broke up. Shocking, I know. I keep thinking over and over in my head. Is this real? How does a love you thought would never end all of a sudden just end? We haven't gotten along in a really long time. I've just been fighting the inevitable. But, it finally came out in the open. It is what it is.

So, now the questions play into my head...........how do I say good bye to 2 and 1/2 years? Where will I live? How will I finish school without his help? And what will I tell Missy? I have no idea how to tell her. How can I tell her that I managed to fail at giving her the only chance of a dad she ever had? I am not perfect. I really didn't fail. It just wasn't meant to be. I am not really to blame for this. Or am I? It still hurts so bad. I have a final on Monday. I don't have time for this. But, I must face it.

Please let me be strong and make it through this. It's late. I have no one to call. So I poured my heart out in my blog. Sorry if I've upset anyone.

The Young Buck

They'll never know exactly why he died.

To hear the news, everyone cried.

At the age of 24, he took his own life.

He did this over a girl? But, she wasn't even made his wife.

To us, he was always just a "young buck".

A thug who never gave a fuck.

He was invincible, no one could ever get to him.

And then to go and do this, just on a whim.

To not warn anyone or to say good bye.

He felt his only way out was to die.

TR Thugs 4-ever.

**I just wrote this for a man who was found dead today that I grew up with. We come from a small trailer park that was surrounded by corn fields. As children, all of us formed a unique bond that will never be broken. There's a lot of us, but we were invincible. The trailer park out in the middle of nowhere. We made our own community. Even as an adult quickly heading towards 30, the most content place of my life was in that trailer park. There's a serenity there like no other. TR Thugs 4-ever. That's who we are. To the man of today's blog, I'm so sorry to see you go like this. Take care young buck.**