Please Turn The Lights On

It's dark in here. Someone turn the lights on. Please pray for me. This should be, by far, the saddest blog I hope to ever write. Life can't get any worse right now.

Last December, right before Christmas, I wrote a sad poem. I can't find it right now, because it was before I labeled all my posts. And I just don't have the energy to search for it right now. But, it was a poem about something that broke my heart.

9 months later and I am still not over that night. I don't think I ever will be. Tonight, my life took a turn I never thought it would go.

The Tiger and I broke up. Shocking, I know. I keep thinking over and over in my head. Is this real? How does a love you thought would never end all of a sudden just end? We haven't gotten along in a really long time. I've just been fighting the inevitable. But, it finally came out in the open. It is what it is.

So, now the questions play into my head...........how do I say good bye to 2 and 1/2 years? Where will I live? How will I finish school without his help? And what will I tell Missy? I have no idea how to tell her. How can I tell her that I managed to fail at giving her the only chance of a dad she ever had? I am not perfect. I really didn't fail. It just wasn't meant to be. I am not really to blame for this. Or am I? It still hurts so bad. I have a final on Monday. I don't have time for this. But, I must face it.

Please let me be strong and make it through this. It's late. I have no one to call. So I poured my heart out in my blog. Sorry if I've upset anyone.

And The Wedding.......

I will have more pictures soon. I am waiting for the CD that's going around to print out all the awesome pictures! But, for now these will have to do.

The dress fit perfectly! 13 lbs. down.....

The Maid of Honor Wore Pink



The New Mr. and Mrs.



What a Beautiful Couple!

That's all I have for now, but I don't have the CD yet to show you the rest! Someday they will pop up out of nowhere..........

Real Quick! A Cute Picture

A friend of mine emailed me this pic from Labor Day. It's so cute I think. And look...........my neck looks skinner.

Off to the "wedding weekend". See ya when I get back!

Wanna See Something Gross?

Disclaimer: A follow up in my last blog. A wonderful girl that I've been friends with for years has volunteered to join the "Missy Goes To Church" team after reading my blog. I won't reveal her just yet, she knows who she is. She is a wonderful person and one of my dearest of friends. She reminds me of Mary Poppins. So poised, good natured, pretty, but she dresses better! This weekend will be their first outing and Missy is SO excited. More about that next week.

Now on to todays' blog. So I've mentioned before I was in this wedding. The dress is called "Pool". And my big butt didn't fit in the dress. I got tired of people telling me I was over reacting. "It'll be fine. Don't worry" or "Please. You look little" was all I heard when I tried to talk about it a couple of months ago. Guess what? I took proof there WAS something to worry about. So approaching my challenge, I took pictures. And no one has ever seen them........before now. So go ahead and look. They are a little blurry. It's hard to stand in a 12 inch bathroom, in a dress that is too small, try and take pictures, and pray no one in the house found you doing it.

It sorta fit from the front........

Wow, didn't know I was the pregnant bridesmaid.......

This is really how far it zips up.......

So, the question is........does the dress fit? Well, after shedding 12 pounds, I am proud to say it does. I don't look great in it, but that sucker zips up. I probably won't blog again before the weekend, so you'll just have to sit in suspense until my next post when I put the wedding pictures up to see the finished product. Tomorrow I go for the nail/toe thing (with Missy of course). After that, I will be moving on to turn my one eyebrow into two again. I love when I get to pay lots of money to be all princess-like for a weekend.

When God Calls You......

I've never claimed to be a religious person. God and I have had our ups and downs throughout life. I had a lot of tragic things happen to me over time so it was hard to keep faith during all of it. A couple of years ago, before the Tiger, Missy and I belonged to a church. We went every week. I can't exactly remember why we stopped going. But, then I started working on the weekends and church is no longer an option since I work on every Sunday. And starting next week, I will be in school at night on Mon. thru Thurs.

So, then there's Missy. This child craves to go to church. She's the only child I know around me that goes to her room to read her bible (not all the time, but it's random and cute). She has a children's bible and has been reading it for the past two years. She is constantly asking me when we can go back to church. But, I don't know the answer. I am in school for another 15 months so I'll be working weekends until then. And will it be too late then? Will she lose her interest by the time I'm available for church? What am I supposed to do? My mom watches her every Sunday while I work and she'd never take her to church. My mom is about the most un-religious person I know. But, I feel bad. It's almost as if God is calling to my child to come because she has no one religious around her and yet she still craves Him and is so curious.

A Random Night Of Thoughts

Ok, this blog was inspired by an earlier post. Look 3 posts down......when I was tagged. Remember my hummingbird? Well, I was sitting at a friend's house tonight ....... and guess what? She has a hummingbird too! So I said it out loud. I said, "I wonder if you can make a hummingbird your pet." She responded and I kid you not.......we had a 15 min. conversation on capturing hummingbirds.

School is right around the corner! Missy lost her 2nd tooth. She's getting so big. Yesterday, she left the nest for the first time. Tiger stood outside while she rode her bike around the corner to the park and back. I got choked up. It's the first time I wasn't there to watch out for cars and gravel and loose dogs....... what a moment.

Wordless Wednesday - Libby Lu Fun!

Missy and her cousin Lilybug doing the girl thang......