Seriously, could someone just hand me a gun and let me get it over with? I might not shoot myself, but I feel a "going postal" moment coming on.
I think I am in some sort of "stuck" phase of crabbiness. It seems as if the last few days I have been the most unenjoyable person to be around. This is so not like me. Honestly, I don't even want to hang out with myself.
The last two days I have been training Hitler the boss. It's been about as much fun as getting eaten alive by wolves. She just doesn't get it. It's amazes me to no end that she makes as much money as she does. Breathe deep, calm breaths. And think "only 8 more weeks." I keep telling myself that.............hmmmmm, it's not working.
I'm stressed. So many changes. So little time. I'm looking for a night job. Holy Hell, that is hard! I've been working Monday through Friday .......oh, for 9 years now. The night jobs just aren't jumping out at me and saying, "I'M THE ONE." I've applied to three places. And it makes me feel weird I haven't even gotten a call back yet. I know, I know. Don't give up. But, I want to. I want to hide in my comfortable-ness with a good book and pretend I don't exist right now. I need a vacation. Oh wait, those costs money.
There's my bitch session for the day.
Another thing: Gray hair, wrinkles, and a million zits do not belong on the same face. I am under so much stress that I have counted over 7 zits staring at me in the mirror today. Yes, over 7.
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6 comments:
I almost said ahng in there...sorry...
it will get better. Seriously it will and I will make myself available for any nursing related help if needed in the future.
I've been looking around for "night jobs" for you too...I'll keep looking. Until then, if you need a night out, Holla!
It will get better each day...just think of it this way...8 weeks until the finish line..you can make it and that night job is going to happen for you, you will see. Thoughts and prayers are with you...
I could be all happy and say - oh things will get better smile, smile and you would want to punch me I know.
The honest to goodness truth is this will seem like hell while you train your boss who you say you can't stand. And it will cause you to just about blow if you continue to focus on her. For yourself and your daughter you need to start focusing on the future, not the here and now. Let go of what you are leaving (your work place) think about how much better you both will be soon. Everything takes time, nothing happens over night. I was a single mom for over 10 years and I know how hard it is and I've worked in some places I wanted to kill the people I worked with. I feel your pain. I can tell you from experience it only hardens the heart and steals your joy. She (your boss) is not worth it don't give her the satisfaction of knowing you are so upset.
You are in my thoughts and prayers
Good thing is there is only 8 weeks left. Change your focus, think about what it is your thinking about! Once you leave, whether Hitler "get's it" or not, it just doesn't matter. This will not make a difference in your life. The new endeavor's you have in front of you are going to make the difference, the way you feel about yourself is going to make a difference. It is almost as if you need to go into work with the "I don't care" attitude or one of making the best of the time you have left. Taking the time to make memories with those you will miss!! I guess what I am saying is: In the grand scheme, of what you have to look forward to, what you have to leave behind is miniscule!!!
Dont you wish that night job would just call you and say hey here i am, you want how much a year, great that works for us! Ohh that would be wonderful! Life just really sucks sometimes! That is what a good drink is for :P ... i do hope things start looking up for you!
You do a good job of describing the unsettling feeling of looking for a new job. But, I know the right one is out there, just waiting for you to find it -- just keep on looking -- you'll find it.
Zits -- I still get one occasionally at 61! I'm told that's a "good sign" because it means you're still producing oil in your skin that discourages wrinkles! So, take heart. Make you feel better? I didn't think so. :D
When you get down, keep the bigger picture in mind. You are doing things that make you step outside your comfort zone, but will ultimately make a better life for you and Missy. Hooray for you!
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