Tuesday, July 31, 2007

A Single Mom's Nightmare

Where do I even begin? Did I even begin to think about the psychological aspect of letting my daughter see "the other family." Since Sunday, she hasn't been the same.


Sunday she slept most of the day. Anyone with an active 6 year old knows this is not normal. No she's not sick. There's no fever, nothing. But she slept most of the day.


Last night, she just laid on the couch. No Barbies, no fun stories, no begging me to put on dress up clothes.......nothing. The Tiger and I kept saying all night, "what is wrong wtih her?" Where's my happy little girl?


Then bedtime comes. My worst nightmare ever. Something that has haunted me, something I knew would happen sooner or later...........I laid in bed with her and asked what was wrong.


Her answer? "Why doesn't my daddy love me?" BAM! And I am supposed to answer this at bedtime? Wow. So that's what's been wrong. I think I laid in bed with her for hours after that crying with her, crying for her, calming her down, doing the best I can to show her that the Tiger and I love her SO MUCH......but it's not the same is it? My little girl feels abandoned.


During all this we went through some pictures (I have pictures of her and her dad, me and her dad, etc that I was saving when for when she was older).......no time like the present right? It made her feel good to look at them.


But here is one of my all time favorites from when she was a baby (about a year and a half). Here was a time when she was so young and innocent, didn't know the hell that was going on in her house. This picture makes me cry and laugh all in the same moment..........




6 comments:

Peant Butter and Jelly Boats said...

OH, Jen. This must have been gut-wrenching for you! You never cease to amaze me. It sounds like you handled this perfectly. You are such an amazing mamma!

More Than A Single Mom said...

I am not amazing....I cry in the bathroom at night sometimes though

Crooked Eyebrow said...

You handled it well. I used to have to explain why daddy lived somewhere else. The bathroom was spot, but mostly but pillow.

You did handle it well and you are amazing. Don't doubt yourself.

milk&honey said...

She might not understand now, but someday, she's going to love and respect you even more for the decisions you made for her.

Adventures In Babywearing said...

I can't imagine... but so wonderful that your daughter has a very present and loving Mama...

Steph

Ann(ie) said...

*snif* That would be so hard. I remember feeling that way as a kid b/c I had a rather lame Pa. Well done, girl. I don't think you could have handled it better!! xo.