Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Some Days Are Good. Some Days Are Bad.

Life is still a constant roller coaster here. Some days I am ok with everything going on. Other days I feel so lonely and wonder if I am making the biggest mistake of my life. I love the Tiger. I really love him. I look at him everyday and wonder what went wrong. Why can't it be different? All along I thought it was him. We were breaking up because of him. As the days go on, I am beginning to think it's me. Maybe it's really not, maybe it's the guilt of looking at my life being packed up in boxes once again. Either way, the decision has been made and it's not something that can be changed now. It is what it is. But, sometimes I still feel so sad. As if now I am going to be alone forever. 30 is coming up next year. I always thought I'd be married long before 30. Looks like I'll be single.

House hunt is interesting. I enjoy seeing how others live and what they describe as a "spacious 2 bedroom with a beautiful view." I think I finally found the perfect place for me and Missy last night. I am waiting on my application to be mailed to me.

Job hunting is slow. I have an interview today for a temp to perm job at a steel company. If I could get it, that would mean some nice benefits. But, let's not try and get our hopes up here. I am rusty in all of this stuff.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Something Too Pretty Not To Share

I am constantly motivated and mesmerized by writings. When I was a child, I longed to be a writer when I grew up. I read every single book I could possibly read and I lived through my books. I would day dream up my own stories. That dream faded like most other dreams as you age. I still write sometimes. But, mostly just scribbled thoughts at the end of the grocery list or on an envelope of a bill. Nothing concrete anymore. I hope to get back to all of that in my new life.

So I came across this today. Written by a friend who is a new mother. One of the most beautiful things I've seen in awhile. All of you new mothers can appreciate this. Heck, even if your baby is 30 years old you can close your eyes and picture your daughter as an can relate too.

Have you ever seen an angel sleep? Those cherub little cheeks and that picture of a halo that floats so serene above her precious head. The beautiful white flowing dress. She's as pure as the first snow fall. This angel I see was a gift to me.

Have you ever heard an angel laugh? That little giggle that echoes in your ears but most of all your heart. The bluest of eyes beaming with joy as she melts you from the inside out. An angel with a laugh that I will hear forever!

Have you ever been touched by an angel? With skin so fair and soft that it feels like feathers? The grasp of her hand as if it speaks directly to your heart, telling you stories that only a mother can understand.

Have you ever smelled an angel? A mix of soap and cotton candy and this morning's bubble bath. A sweet smell that leaves you wanting more. A smell that will take you where the rest of the world can't. It's as if you can fly with her.

This angel, you see, is one given to me. The most precious gift in the world. A daughter. My daughter.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Why Children Are Funny

So, we all know that Missy has some sort of relationship with God that I have not quite figured out yet? Well, here's a conversation we had today in Wal-mart. Yep, right in the Halloween candy isle.

Missy: Mom, can I get this?

Me: (No answer. I was thinking. I'm pretty spacy these days)

Missy: MOM!

Me: Huh? What sweetie?

Missy: Why don't you talk anymore?

Me: I am sorry kiddo. I am just distracted lately.

Missy: Is God pulling you different ways?

Me: Yeah, I guess so. I'm just really tired and stressed. I'm sorry.

Missy: Well, you know God was pulling me two different ways, but he finally told me the way to go.

Me: Really? Which way is he telling you to go?

Missy: He's telling me to move away so that you won't be sad anymore.

Me: Thanks Miss. Anything God is telling you for me because I can't really hear him?

Missy: Yeah. He says for you to move as soon as you can. And to wear your hair down more. He likes your hair down.

Me: (laughing)......oh that's so cute. Thanks.

Soooooooo, we continue walking. Then Missy says, "Oh and he also said if you don't start praying at dinnertime, you may not go to Heaven."

What am I ever going to do with this child? She cracks me up.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Wordless Wednesday - Here's To Finding Old Friends

I came across this picture this morning, an old pic of me and some friends. It made me smile.