Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Dear Missy

Dear Missy,


When I first found out I was pregnant, I was scared. I was too young to have a baby and not even mature enough to take care of myself. I was heavy into drugs, alcohol, and an abusive relationship. But, then I was pregnant. I made the decision to grow up and to raise you to the best of my ability. You saved me from myself. I truly believe I probably wouldn't have lived another year or two if you hadn't come along. You are my true hero. You'll probably never realize what a blessing you really were to me. Everything happens for a reason, and I was meant to grow up and be your mommy.




When you were a baby, you were as bald as can be. I am so sorry I had to work so much. But, I never realized how hard it would be to provide those diapers and daycare for you. I remember sleeping on the couch each night because you refused to sleep anywhere but in the baby swing ---- for over 3 months! I was tired, exhausted, but your little smile made it worth everything. I apologize for the horrible relationship I was in with your daddy. He never realized how important you were. I spent many nights crying and holding you tightly, wishing for him to come home. I am sure you felt my pain, but still looked up at me with loving eyes.









When you were a toddler, you freaked me out many times with your fast ability to touch everything and anything in a matter of two seconds. And you were still pretty bald. I thought you would never have long hair! During this time, we made the most courageous jump of our lives. We left that horrible life behind. You will probably never remember that horrible night and I hope you never do. But, as I held you in the back of the cop car I just prayed to God for your safety and that you come out of this ok. We left everything behind and started our new life in Indiana. And through it all, you still looked at me with those big loving brown eyes and looked to me to save you. I promised to save you and I did.





As I look at you now, you've grown into a full fledged beautiful little girl. I did everything and anything I could to give you a normal life. Guess what kiddo? WE have made it. You are healthy. You are happy. You are smart. And you are so beautiful. Last night, you came running to me to show me your report card. STRAIGHT A'S. As I cried, I told you how proud I am of you. You laughed at me for crying. I don't know if you'll ever realize JUST HOW proud I am of you. You've been through so much and you deserve those grades for how hard you have worked. I love you more than I've ever loved anything or anyone in the world. And last night it was my turn to look at you with loving eyes because you are my hero. I wouldn't be half the woman I am if it wasn't for you. Congratulations baby on your first report for the year. It's time to celebrate.







Love,

Mommy

13 comments:

Adventures In Babywearing said...

Oh Jen- you should have warned me I'd need tissues. I'm balling. This was beautiful. You are precious.

Steph

My Wonderful Men... said...

Amazing! Both of you are amazing.

Mimi's Toes said...

I am sitting at my desk at work with mascara running down my face...Tissue is ready....That was the most beautiful post and I so admire you for what you did and what you are doing to better your life...HOORAY for All A's....I can't even begin to imagine what you went thru...God Bless You!

Simplymoi said...

There should be a warning on this post cuz! You have done so much in so little time. *You* are *my* hero.

Crooked Eyebrow said...

Jen you made me cry! But I wish I could give you hugs right now, because I am sooo proud of you. It took courage and strength on your part to get you out of that door and move on with your new life as a strong mother of a beautiful girl. You did good! Seeing her succeed will be your strength!

PS- you're awesome!

Peant Butter and Jelly Boats said...

This was a beautiful, beautiful post. Don't forget Jen that YOU are strong too. I wish I could've been there for you during those hard times.

Tiffany said...

AHHH.. isn't amazing how our kids can make us realize how strong we are! Reading what you have wrote on your blog gives me inspiration!!
Ohh and NabloPoMo= National Blog Posting Month.you are suppost to post everyday for the month of Nov

More Than A Single Mom said...

I tried to read this post this morning. I couldn't read it after I wrote it yesterday. Still can't read the whole thing. I needed to get it all out. I am glad I have all of you to share my life with. You are all special to me in your own little ways. Thanks for reading this one everyone!

chrissy said...

This was such an open and honest and heartfelt post. You are absolutely an amazing young woman and mom. Thank you so much for sharing what you have done and how you got where you are, you are so amazingly strong!!!

Sandra said...

This is an absolutely beautiful post, Jen. What a wonderful keepsake for your daughter to read in the future.

I am proud of you, and all you have done, and the person you have become.

Ann(ie) said...

That is so beautiful.

Isn't the love we have for those little creatures just almost undescribable? You did the best job ever in putting it in words.

xo.

Sandy said...

Beautiful. You've come such a long way you should be proud of both of you.

Anonymous said...

i am a total stranger that just so happened to be blog surfing or whatever it's called. i was very interested in reading your blog once i came across it because i too am a single, full time working, homeowning mom, no $3,000 child support checks here either. i too was in a horrible, lonely, going nowhere fast relationship as i was pregnant with my daughter (who is now 4)... anyway, this post of yours made me bawl. it was so sweet and precious. and good for you for seeing what was right for your daughter!!! my circumstances have greatly changed from what they were a few years ago (thank GOD!) and now i'm marrying a wonderful man. but the one thing i will always hold dear to my heart is my daughter and the pride and love i have for her. a million kudos to you!!!