Thursday, September 25, 2008

Please Turn The Lights On

It's dark in here. Someone turn the lights on. Please pray for me. This should be, by far, the saddest blog I hope to ever write. Life can't get any worse right now.

Last December, right before Christmas, I wrote a sad poem. I can't find it right now, because it was before I labeled all my posts. And I just don't have the energy to search for it right now. But, it was a poem about something that broke my heart.

9 months later and I am still not over that night. I don't think I ever will be. Tonight, my life took a turn I never thought it would go.

The Tiger and I broke up. Shocking, I know. I keep thinking over and over in my head. Is this real? How does a love you thought would never end all of a sudden just end? We haven't gotten along in a really long time. I've just been fighting the inevitable. But, it finally came out in the open. It is what it is.

So, now the questions play into my head...........how do I say good bye to 2 and 1/2 years? Where will I live? How will I finish school without his help? And what will I tell Missy? I have no idea how to tell her. How can I tell her that I managed to fail at giving her the only chance of a dad she ever had? I am not perfect. I really didn't fail. It just wasn't meant to be. I am not really to blame for this. Or am I? It still hurts so bad. I have a final on Monday. I don't have time for this. But, I must face it.

Please let me be strong and make it through this. It's late. I have no one to call. So I poured my heart out in my blog. Sorry if I've upset anyone.

9 comments:

Adventures In Babywearing said...

Oh, I am so sorry. I am praying for you tonight.

Steph

Peanut Butter and Jelly Boats said...

Um excuse me? You DO have someone to call. I'm always here, by my cell 24/7. Remember, I'm home all day I can help anytime with Marissa. Any time. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I love ya and I'm here for you. For whatever you need.

Anonymous said...

You will make it. You will get through this.
And not something you want to hear right now, but you have not 'failed at giving her the only chance of a dad she ever had'. This man wasn't meant to be that person for her. It means one day, someone else will. Keep your head up. Thinking of you today.

addhumorandfaith said...

Oh, Jen, I'm so sorry. But I agree with anon above -- he wasn't the right one. There is a man out there who is just perfect for you and Missy. I'm praying for you.

RaChel said...

i hope you'll be feeling better:(

Simplymoi said...

You didn't fail and you aren't to blame.It's never late to call someone who cares (and I do, very much) Love you cuz and you will feel weak, but you will be strong and make it one day at a time.

Mimi's Toes said...

You are NOT a failure! God will put the person he has chosen for you in your path. Please know that I care! I check on you often and I want you to know that I am praying for you. You should be so proud of yourself for going to school and making a better life. Things will work out for you cause you are not a quitter. Stay strong for yourself and your daughter.

chrissy said...

Hope you feel better very soon. You and Missy will not only survive this but you will come out stronger together. There is a season for everything.

My Wonderful Men said...

Jen there is so much to say and so much not to say in a situation like this. I was a single mom for so long and now re-married. Being with someone is not always the answer trust me. I know you are hurting sweety many hugs and prayers your way.