Thursday, December 27, 2007

It Just Doesn't Seem To End

I owe y'all an explanation huh? The blogger neglect, the sad poem from my aching heart, all of it from deep within.

I've got issues. No really, I do. Turns out More Than A Single Mom isn't perfect. Ha ha. Just had to throw that in there.

It all started with a big fight with the Tiger (hence the poem). A really nasty, apologies can't take back what I said earlier fight. A fight like no other. A fight about Missy on top of it all. He broke my heart just days before Xmas and I didn't really think I would bounce back from this one. But, I did. I always do right? But, hmmmmmmm those words are still in the back of my head. I just can't seem to let shit go some days. I love the Tiger with all my heart. But, I won't lie. I love my daughter more. Is that bad? Her and I have a bond that will never change. I am protective of her. She's my baby. And we've been through hell and back before the Tiger came along......that he will never ever understand. Yes, we're still together. But, I feel different about it all. I can't help it. I just do.

My heart aches for my family. It's the season to be happy right? My aunt was hospitalized on Sunday, fighting for her life. She's still there. My mom and I went up there on Christmas Day. There's something ironic about that. Me and my mom, together, on Christmas Day......hanging out? Twas strange. Back to the story. I won't say much about my Aunt without Teaching Kindergarten's permission. It's her mama and her story to share. But, please bloggers, pray like you have NEVER PRAYED BEFORE. If anything happens to my aunt (who is secretly one of my favorite aunts) then I honestly don't know how I'll cope. She is one of the most wonderful people I have ever had the chance of knowing...........and she's supposed to live forever.

Yesterday I got to go to the movies with some very dear friends of mine and our kids. How is it that between the three of us, we managed to produce the most perfect, beautiful 5 1/2 children?? Seriously, our kids were so good in that theatre you would've thought we gave them tranquilizers. I was so very impressed since they all ranged from 4 to 7.......or is Luke still 3? Hmmm, I think he's 4. I love you both and I am soooooooo happy you guys agreed to take the kiddies out with me.

After the movies, things went back to normal. I got a frightful call from my mom that my stepdad had been in a car accident. Someone was trying to beat a car coming while trying to pull out of a gas station and in turn, rammed through the back of my stepdad's van. Thankfully, he is ok. Vans can be replaced. He could not. So, in that small silver lining, I am just happy because he was hit pretty hard and it could've been a lot worse.

I love you all. That's my story. December sucked ass for me. I just want the New Year to be here so I can stop wallowing in all this funk and move on.

P.S. My daughter can't stand me right now because I am gone 7 days a week working 2 jobs. Talk about a mouth on a cute kid. Anyone like to have her until Christmas Break is over???? She knows how to empty garbage and pick up toys and make up songs in the shower -- daily.

7 comments:

Crooked Eyebrow said...

Missy is beautiful just like her mommy!

Words that were said will always remain and hang around, it's how you get past them that end up mattering. It takes time...

AND, you should love your daughter more, nothing bad about that, at all.

If I didn't work, I would gladly take her for the holiday break, her and JC could Wii(which by the way you two are always welcome over)

*I had the hoola-hoop bit stuck in my head all night, along with "I fell in love with a witch doctor" song.

Mimi's Toes said...

Things will get better for you. I will be praying for your aunt. You are right in putting missy above anyone. I would love to help out but she would probably be bored with an ole' mimi. I don't have a play station or one of those wii's...whatever?

More Than A Single Mom said...

It's ok Mimi. We don't have a playstation or a Wii either. I deprive my child of video games......

Crooked Eyebrow, hello! I've been singing the Hoola Hoop song since I woke up this morning....

chrissy said...

Thank you for explaining, now it makes sense. Words really do hurt and they don't go away as fast as pain from a beating, isn't that something. But, from what I have read and the times we have talked I have found you to be one amazing woman with her priorities in line, keep that up, and keep on keepin on, January is sooo close.
I also go through the same thing from my kids about working, they just know what to say to hurt us and I think that that is how they express that they miss us, in a not-so-good way!
I am praying for your aunt!
Just remember if you need anything let me know!

Simplymoi said...

We love you too girl! I'm sorry to hear about your step dad and soooo glad that he wasn't hurt badly! hang in there hun, we're all with you, just like you're with us. That's what friends and family are for. Thanks for coming to see mom in the hospital, even though she doesn't remember it. It was soo good to see you!

my wonderful men... said...

Thinking about you and so sorry to hear about your aunt.

Jennifer Sprague, All Natural Mommies said...

(((HUGS))) I think it might be the time of the year? I am sick of the funk too! I will be praying, my grandma is in the hospital too - she fell and broke her hip, and now she has a Staf infection. It's never ending...your in my prayers and I wish to give you (((BIG HUGS)))